


supervillain origin story

by rooftopsandcigarettes



Category: The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Banter, M/M, Trigger Warning: Africa by Toto, assholes in love, bucky barnes loves clint barton, except zeus because fuck that guy, i'd like to apologize to the entire greek pantheon, mutant pigeons, the feeling is so mutual
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-25
Updated: 2018-06-25
Packaged: 2019-05-28 16:23:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,064
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15053162
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rooftopsandcigarettes/pseuds/rooftopsandcigarettes
Summary: It starts fucking raining.“You’ve gotta be fucking kidding me.” Bucky turns into that kind of asshole that stops walking on a New York City sidewalk, “You have got to be absolutely shitting me.”





	supervillain origin story

**Author's Note:**

> okay so. my friend sent me a picture of the tag "trigger warning: africa by toto" and told me there was only one fic in the tag. i decided that clint and bucky were the perfect ship for this. that descended into a shitstorm of us just saying "clucky" back and forth. 
> 
> after half an hour of us fucking around and finding chickens that looked like clint and bucky i decided to write this fic.
> 
> two human disasters just trying to fucking survive grad school.

Why was it, that _every single time_ he went to this fucking coffee shop, he got shit on by some mutant fucking pigeon? Was the universe trying to tell him something? Probably. But this tiny fucking shop was the only place that would make Clint’s Death Coffee. And look, Bucky may be an asshole, but he’s an asshole in love. So he braves the mutant bird shit, that will probably end up being his supervillain origin story, every Thursday.

Because Thursdays sucked for Clint. He usually had an essay due, he TA’d for the monster of a man that taught Intro to Physics, and his archery class was full of little demon spawn that liked to break equipment. So Bucky does what he has to do to make Clint smile on Thursdays. Even if it means becoming a supervillain.

The only other good thing about the shop is that it’s only two blocks away and he didn’t have to deal with public transportation. So he starts walking home, covered in toxic waste, humming something that Clint has been singing nonstop for the last four days.

Then it starts fucking raining.

“You’ve gotta be fucking kidding me.” Bucky turns into that kind of asshole that stops walking on a New York City sidewalk, “You have _got to be_ absolutely _shitting me._ ”

“Fight me Zeus.” He finally starts walking after staring at the sky waiting to be smote.

By the time he gets home, its fucking downpouring. Pissing rain. All of the gods got together and had a piss party. Fuck why is he like this. Now all he can think about is if the rain that got in his mouth will give him godly powers. Add that to the mutant pigeon shit and he’s ready to take over the world.

He almost drops his keys three times while he’s unlocking the door and by the time it’s open he’s pretty glad the neighbors with kids moved last month.

“Motherfucking donkey fucker. Goddamn lightning humper. Fucking. Fuck you Zeus. You know what fuck you too Poseidon. Fuck you and your fucking water. You know where you can-”

“You know, I’m pretty sure what you’re supposed to say when you walk through the door is ‘Honey, I’m home!’ but I much prefer this. What did the Greek pantheon do to you this time Buck?”

“Frog, babe, coffee. You. Fuck. I have your coffee.” Bucky manages as he makes his way into the living room.

“Where the fuck did you get Frog. What kind of bird?” Clint stares at Bucky, accepting the coffee and immediately downing it, obviously not caring about what few tastebuds he has left.

“Sri Lankan Frogmouth. Ugly motherfucker. Here, I have an album of pictures on my phone, give me a sec to change into something dry.” Bucky tosses Clint his phone and goes to the bedroom to change.

“Why the fuck do you have an album of just one bird?” Clint calls out to him, baffled.

“You’ll know when you see it!”

Clint unlocks the phone and goes to Bucky’s photo albums. He has to scroll through twenty before he finds it, “Is this an album of different variations of the free real estate meme?”

“You can’t judge me, I’ve seen your collection of the mind expanding meme.” Bucky yells from the bathroom where he’s trying to dry his hair.

“That is, that’s fair.”

“Just look at the fucking birds babe.”

Clint looks at the fucking birds. And, “Is this bird fucking pouting? Is this a pouting bird? Buck why is this bird looking at me like I helped incubate and then raise it’s young only to shoot them and pluck them and fucking eat them right in front of its face. Babe why is this happening to me and why do I want to look at more?”

“Look at the fourth one. That one looks like you when you make a stupid fucking innuendo in front of Steve and want to wiggle your eyebrows but can’t because he’d hit you.” Bucky says as he makes his way into the living room.

“I want to argue. I want to argue so bad. But I can’t. Because it’s true. And I hate it.”

Clint locks the phone and hands it to Bucky when he sits down. They sit and watch Dog Cops for an hour before calling in at their favourite Thai place.

 

* * *

 

As they’re cleaning up dinner, Clint opens the window to the fire escape.

“It’s fucking raining Clint. I wouldn’t even call that rain. I’d call it Zeus having a temper tantrum.” The last sentence is yelled out, as if directed at the god himself.

“Yeah, but rain.”

Bucky sighs. He’s in love with an idiot genius. Who the fuck actually likes rain that lives in New York?

Clint starts humming that song again. The one he’s had stuck in his head for four days. The one that. Oh you have got to be fucking kidding.

 _"Hurry boy, she's waiting there for you._ ” Clint turns to Bucky with a shit eating grin.

“Hoe don’t do it.” Bucky warnspleadscommands.

He opens his mouth and, “ _It's gonna take a lot to take me away from youuuu. There's nothing that a hundred men or more could ever dooooo-_ ”

“Clint I swear to all of the gods in all of the pantheons I will not blow you for a week if you-”

“Oh come on babe. It’s a bop. It’s also weatherly appropriate.”

Bucky closes his eyes. When he opens them, Clint is smiling.

Fuck, what he does for love, “ _I bless the rains down in Africaaaaa_.”

“Yes!” Clint Breakfast Clubs it and together, they finish the song.

 

* * *

 

Later, as they’re brushing their teeth and getting ready for bed Clint says something to him.

“I have no idea what you just said. Fucking finish what you’re doing you fool.”

Clint spits and repeats himself, “I said ‘I fucking love you you grumpy piece of shit. Thank you for making Thursday not so terrible.”

Bucky, who should be used to it by now, blushes a bit, “I love you too birdbrain.”

It’s ten minutes later, when they’re laying in bed that he remembers to ask Clint, “Oh hey, so if I were to become a supervillain you’d totally be with me and not the mutant pigeons, right?”

“Of course, fucking fuck pigeons man.”

Bucky fucking loves him.


End file.
